DARE 1/11 – Thailand’s First Mixed Martial Arts Championship


Jussi Saloranta Interviewed DARE 1/11 Mixed Martial arts Championship, Bangkok, Thailand
Jussi Saloranta
DARE 1/11 Mixed Martial arts Championship, Bangkok, Thailand
DARE 1/11 Mixed Martial arts Championship, Bangkok, Thailand
DARE 1/11 Mixed Martial arts Championship, Bangkok, Thailand

For me, one of the reasons to move to Thailand was an interest in the local martial arts. Like Karate in the 60s, and Kung Fu in the 70s, Thai boxing – or Muay Thai as it is known in Thailand – has experienced a phenomenal growth in popularity over the last 20+ years. It seems Muay Thai has spread to almost every town and city in the world, and virtually every country has a range of Muay Thai associations, leagues, and federations. But living in Thailand, and plugging into the local cable TV on a regular basis, I became aware of a parallel (and equally meteoric) rise in the popularity of another martial arts genre – Mixed Martial Arts.

Mixed Martial Arts, or MMA, started in its modern form in 1993 with the launch of the Ultimate Fighting Challenge (UFC) in the USA. UFC brought fighters with different combat styles to the same arena – an “Octagon” – an octagonal cage where full contact fights took place under the scrutiny of a referee, a doctor, and under a comprehensive set of rules. These were no blood fests or street fights; these were professional, organized events with global TV coverage.

The spectacle of watching Muay Thai fighters, Judo, Jujitsu and Karate exponents, pugilists and wrestlers test each other’s skills had immediate appeal, and as with Muay Thai, MMA went global. It produced a number of stars – Royce Gracie, whose particular brand of Brazilian Jujitsu dominated the early years of the sport, and since then the likes of Ken Shamrock and Tito Ortiz have become household names in the West (the latter appearing in movies, and curiously, Donald Trump’s ‘Celebrity Apprentice’). 

Given the strong element of Muay Thai in MMA, a question on many people’s lips was “Why hasn’t MMA come to Thailand?” The kingdom has for a number of years had a variety of Mixed Martial Arts clubs, but it has never had a full-fledged MMA tournament to boast of… Not until now anyway.

June 25, 2011 sees the launch of DARE 1/11, Thailand’s first MMA championship under adapted UFC rules and with experienced MMA referees. Initial fights take place at Club Insomnia on Sukhumvit 12 with winners of this event moving on to the quarter finals of the DARE championship. The prospects of this event taking off are good, so we caught up with organizer Jussi Saloranta to ask more. Here’s what he had to say.

KSR: Jussi – thanks for meeting up with us like this. First, let’s get some personal details – where are you from and how long have you been in Thailand?

Jussi: OK – well, I am from Finland, and I have been living in Thailand for about 4 years now. I first came here in 2004 for a holiday and just fell in love with the Kingdom and its amazing people. I decided that this was the place where I wished to live. My involvement in the DARE Championship is handling the foreign fighters and public relations, and I also assist our Thai owners with international promotion. Our team includes both Thais and foreigners, each with years of business experience in Thailand and in Scandinavia.

KSR: How did DARE Championship get started? 

Jussi: Ever since I came to Thailand I’ve wanted to create something for local sports – something that would feature local MMA talents alongside international competitors. There are a limited number of professional MMA fighters in Thailand and there’s been very few fight possibilities in the country, so I thought I’d contribute in that direction. Right now the timing seems right, so led by our President Mr. Thitidonpipat, we decided to launch the DARE Championship with the goal of becoming the number one pro-MMA event in Thailand and the region. We believe that like everywhere else in the world, MMA will catch on in Thailand sooner or later, but making it a reality has involved a lot of people doing a lot of hard work – our organizers, promoters, trainers, camps, gyms, fighters, other dedicated individuals… They have all done tremendous work.

KSR: Are you are martial artist yourself?

Jussi: Yes – I have been involved in the martial arts since I was 10 years of age. I have also been a huge fan of MMA since the end of the 90’s when MMA / NHB first came to Finland and we saw the first UFC fights on VHS. Ask any of the members of our team and they will probably tell you the same thing. 

KSR: Tell us a bit more about the tournament. How many people are involved and what’s the format?

Jussi: The DARE Championship starts with opening preliminary fights and the winners of these in each weight class move on to the quarter-finals. After that winners go on to the semi-finals and ultimately the finals. In the first event, DARE 1/11, we will have a total of 6 fights with 12 fighters from 8 different countries. Initially it will be an “open tournament” and later it will transform into something more similar to the UFC structure where you have a champion and guys fighting to move up the ladders and become the number one contender in each weight category.

KSR: So when can we expect the follow up events?

Jussi: We are looking to have the next event – DARE 2/11 – three months after the first one. This way, we would be looking to see the next part of the championship around September 2011.

KSR: And where will the finals be held and when?

Jussi: All of the weight classes are moving forward at their own speed. We will probably see the first DARE Champions crowned early 2012. We are very happy to be working with Club Insomnia Bangkok on Sukhumvit Soi 12 – this is where the first events will be held. The venues for the championship events have not been decided yet.

KSR: So, the fighters – are they locals or international? Are there any names involved?

Jussi: DARE 1/11 feature fighters from Thailand, Brazil, France, Korea, Malaysia, South Africa, the UK and the USA. These fighters include a black belt Brazilian Jiu Jitsu World Champion from Brazil, a Judo black belt and Olympic competitor from France, a South African Muay Thai champion, a local Thai MMA fighter with over 150 Thai Boxing fights – who’s now fighting MMA – and a number of other interesting fighters. We have two fighters from Thailand competing in DARE 1/11 – Ngoo Ditty, probably Thailand’s best known Thai MMA competitor (read more about him here) and Detchoot Detsuriyan, the Thai Amateur MMA Champion (read more about him here). 

KSR: Is there likely to be much coverage; TV, etc.

Jussi: All the fights will be recorded in HD and released for public viewing after the event via a range of selected broadcasting channels. The footage might also be shown on Thai TV after the event. Future DARE events will have an online mobile application in place which will allow us to stream the fights globally. In this way the DARE Championship will be available globally, coming live from Bangkok, the fight capital of Southeast Asia. (Follow updates here)

KSR: On your website it says that the event will be under “adapted UFC rules”. How will the Thailand event differ from a standard UFC event?

Jussi: We are using the “Unified Rules of Mixed Martial Arts” followed by all major MMA promotions in America – UFC, Strikeforce, etc. These are the same rules that have been approved by the various State Athletic Commissions in the USA. These rules are in place because they protect our fighters’ safety. DARE events will though only be a fraction of the size of the UFC events and are also designed to be more exclusive in their set up. We only have 300 tickets available for each of the first events and we advise all those interested of coming to book a ticket in advance as we might sell out quickly. You can book a ticket at our website or pick tickets up at any of our sales points in Bangkok, Pattaya, Phuket or Hua Hin. The information is on our website. 

KSR: So what goes and what doesn’t go – what are the rules?

Jussi: The rules are designed to protect the fighters. Basically, all techniques that seriously injure an opponent are prohibited. For example, techniques like hitting the back of an opponent’s head or his spine are not allowed. Kicking the head of an opponent who is on the ground or trying to attack the groin, eyes, and fingers of an opponent are also strictly against the rules. It is also important to remember that all of the fighters in DARE are professionals. They have all been training for years and each of them has fight experience. Most of them have been operating as a professional fighter for several years and understand the risks involved. Importantly, they also know how to respect their opponents. DARE will only promote professional Mixed Martial Arts where the fighters are trained, prepared and experienced, and therefore understand MMA rules.

KSR: So if any KhaoSanRoad.com visitors are interested in going to event, how do they get more information?

Jussi: You will find more information from our website and our Facebook page.

KSR: And what about tickets?

The tickets for the first DARE event on 25 June 2011 are priced in two categories: Standard tickets are 1,100 THB in advance and 1,500 THB on the door, while VIP Podium tickets are 2,000 THB in advance and 2,400 THB on the door – these tickets provide a better view and offer some catering. Again, tickets are available from our website or our sales points in Bangkok, Pattaya, Phuket and Hua Hin. Tickets can be booked from our website. Doors open at 4 p.m. and the action starts at around 5 p.m.25 June 2011.

KSR: What are the chances of bringing DARE to Khao San Road?

Jussi: We will have to see about that. If there is a big demand for it, we are always happy to consider it as a possibility… 

KSR: Well, good look with the event – it’s going to be very interesting to see how this pans out.

Jussi: Thank you very much and best regards to all KhaoSanRoad.com visitors. Your support is very much appreciated. See you all at DARE 1/11.

Raising The Standards


thestandards1
thestandards2
The Standards, Bangkok, Thailand

Thankfully, in a world of musical platitudes, Matt and the boys (and girl) are raising the standards. After going it alone, and succeeding, they are taking their sound to the UK on a tour designed to see if a Thailand-based band can “compete with the big boys”. Listen to the sounds on their Facebook page to hear what The Standards are all about. 

The history of popular music in Thailand has been a pretty woeful affair. Twenty-five years ago, it was Asanee Wasan that were credited with bringing Thai music into the modern era. For someone stepping off a plane in what was then the post-punk era, Asanee Wasan’s soaring power chords and painfully slow rock ballads equated more with ancient history than anything contemporary. Fortunately though, things did change – at least for a while. 

Thailand’s ‘New Wave’ happened about 15 years after the fact, but it was worth the wait… Bands like Modern Dog, Clash, Silly Fools and Paradox emerged to offer something a bit different alongside the nation’s usual fare. It got to the point where an ex-member of Suede was in a band in Thailand (Futon). And they were all pretty decent bands… Modern Dog for example opened for Radiohead’s visit to Bangkok, toured extensively world-wide, and in 2006 blew bands like Franz Ferdinand off the stage at Bangkok 100 (even though they were on earlier in the day). Grunge, Indie, Punk, New Wave, Death Metal, Hip Hop, House – whatever the musical style someone, somewhere, was experimenting… But unfortunately the momentum didn’t carry. 

As with elsewhere in the world, Thailand’s music industry adapted and survived. Slowly, but surely, “alternative” was tamed, packaged and brought into the mainstream. Today, the kingdom’s music scene is, to say the least, predictable – a steady and sure product of similar sounds generating an equally steady source of revenue. The time is right for a new ‘Modern Dog’ to shake things up a bit. Perhaps ‘The Standards’ are the band we are looking for.

The Standards are a musical oddity. They have been around for about 4 years and their lineup includes 2 foreigners and 3 Thais. Front man Matt Smith provides the vocals while Nay Voravittayathorn hits the drums, Manasnit Setthawong (nickname Nit) provides keyboards, Paul Smith plays lead guitar and Sithikorn Likitvoarchaui (nickname Mc) plays bass.

A chirpy Cockney from Woolwich in South London, front man Matt certainly has the front man look (ala Damon Albarn). He played in a couple of bands in the UK, most noticeable being Foxtail, a London-based band with ‘Mod’ overtones. Despite lots of concerts and coverage in the NME, nothing ever got to vinyl. After moving to Thailand he missed being in a band and he very quickly helped pull The Standards together. 

Unlike other Thai bands, they don’t have the promotional weight of a mega-corporation behind them, and despite this – perhaps because of this – they are doing the business. Considering the context they are working in, The Standards have a very unique look and sound. They’ve played most major venues in Thailand (including club Culture near Khao San Road, and Immortal, which used to be on Khao San Road until a couple of years ago), their music videos are played on MTV, they’ve played live on MTV, and they supported megastars “The Charlatans” who played Bangkok in 2010.

“It’s easier to get your music out to an audience these days,” suggested Matt when we spoke to him. “Back in the day it cost 600 or 700 quid an hour to record in a decent studio, but these days you can do everything on a Mac.” That flexibility led to the band putting together “Well, Well, Well”, a three-track EP on CD and “Nations”, a full-blown album which sits nicely amongst the racks of CDs by foreign artists found in record stores around Siam Square. “We tried working with some of the local producers, but it didn’t work out. We wanted more of a live sound. At the time we have a regular event called Popscene at Bangkok Rocks on Sukhumvit 19, and we recorded everything there. The owner just let us use the place afterhours and we did things like record the vocals in the toilet so we could get the right sound.”

The band’s big sound and attention to detail has translated into a powerful live act which soon amassed a solid following of locals (20%) and expats (80%). In the short time they have been together, they have toured extensively – they did an Asian tour with 9 concerts in Singapore, Borneo, Malaysia, and a three day festival in the Philippines. More recently they played CAMA in Hanoi. Quite an achievement in its own right, but all the more impressive when you consider they manage themselves.

 “The fact that we manage ourselves means we can do what we want”, added Matt. “The Thai alternative sound is more like British music in the 80’s, but our sound is more influenced by bands like Kasabian and Arcade Fire. It’s very different from what people are used to here. If we really wanted to make something of ourselves in Thailand we’d have to change our sound and it wouldn’t be worth it really. It’s hard work doing everything ourselves, but we just enjoy it.”

Historically, “it’s all about the music” is a sentiment that has been relegated to cliché, but as far as The Standards are concerned, it really does seem to be the case. With a sound that doesn’t fit the local scene and no managerial support, The Standards have created a niche in Thailand’s music scene that allows them to keep doing what they like doing – playing their music. Now, with that under their belt they are taking on what might be considered the ultimate challenge – a tour of the United Kingdom.

Matt has been the focal point in the organization of The Standard’s UK tour. They have organized everything themselves. They’ve contacted the venues, begged to borrow equipment, and apart from promotion by the venues themselves, promoted it themselves. To pay for everything they have organized their own sponsorship. “But we aren’t going to make any money out of it,” points out Matt, “quite the opposite in fact”. 

He’s breaking his neck 24/7 organizing a tour that is going to put the band out of pocket… I guess the question “What’s the effing the point?” would come to anyone’s mind. The answer it seems reinforces the “it’s all about the music” concept.

 “We’ve just got to go there just to see what happens. We aren’t aiming for world domination or anything, but we just have to know. We have to know how we compare against the big boys. If we don’t do it, it will always be on our minds, so, yeah, it’s a pointless exercise. We hope to get people talking but there’s no real objective beyond that”. 

The Standards take their Thai homegrown to the UK in July 2011. Here’s a breakdown of the tour:

The July dates are:

01/07/11 – Camden Rock, London
http://www.camdenrock.co.uk/

03/07/11 – Bull And Gate, London
http://www.bullandgate.co.uk/

04/07/11 – Workshop, London
http://www.theworkshophoxton.com/

05/07/11 – Haymakers, Cambridge
http://www.acousticstage.co.uk/the-haymakers/index.php

06/07/11 – The Shed, Leeds       
http://www.theshedbar.co.uk/

07/07/11 – The Blue Cat, Stockport
http://www.bluecatcafe.co.uk/Main.html

09/07/11 – Alan McGee’s Greasy Lips, Jamm, London
http://www.nme.com/tickets/artist/alan-mcgees-greasy-lips-club

10/07/11 – Rhythms Of The World Festival, Hitchin
http://www.rotw.org.uk/

The tour is sponsored by Wood Street Bar, Smu Guitars, and Popscene.

More info on the Facebook event page.

Pictures Miki Giles

Beer and ### and chips and gravy

bscgThose of you of a certain age and gender who hale from the North West of England shouldn’t really need the title explaining, but as I like to be as inclusive as I possibly can I’ll add a bit more information for people who’ve had the nerve not to be brought up in Lancashire or Cheshire. Back in the glorious nineteen eighties, what might loosely be described as a “pop group” called The Macc Ladds thrived on the periphery or should that be the underbelly (or an even more iniquitous part of the anatomy) of the music industry in the UK.

Beer and Sex and Chips and GravyThey did little for the furtherance of political correctness and got proscribed from a number of venues before they even played them. One of their better known tracks (which is rumoured never to have graced the hi-fi system of the Vatican) was/still is called “Beer and ### and chips and gravy”. Out of politeness I’ve omitted the second component of “what a Macc Ladd” wants although if you can’t work it out it starts with “s” and ends in “x”.

Now I know that by mentioning the Macc Ladds, there’ll be sensitive principled caring types with a feel for environmental issues and a concern for the welfare of the less fortunate who’ll be screaming blue murder and rapidly botching together voodoo dolls of me (I’m short, a little overweight have blue eyes and shoulder length brown/black hair if you want my likeness to be accurate), and those who like to become part of their host nation by immersing themselves in the culture and eating the local food will be marking me as an outcast and Philistine by admitting to my need for good honest chipped fried pomme de terre in a rich brown sauce. Now before I continue, and before I die from a million pin pricks, I do actually like Thai food. It’s great.

Phad ThaiI would wholeheartedly encourage those of you making your first visit to Thailand to try as much of it as you possibly can (and I don’t just mean a banana pancake). The most basic explanation I’ve heard of Thai food is that it’s a sort of mix of Chinese and Indian, although to be fair that’s something of an over simplification.

The main thing that characterizes Thai food is the chilli, when you eat in a restaurant virtually every meal will be accompanied by four pots of different types of chilli to liven up your repast. Thai’s like their food spicy and us northerners (if we’re real northerners that is) like it bland, if you’ve tried Thai food in a restaurant back home you’re more than likely to have been served something that’s been toned down for the western pallet, so prepare yourself for something with a little more squeak when you get here.

There are a large number of dishes available in the Land of Smiles, and the ingredients that give Thai food its distinctive zest include lemongrass, ginger, chilli, fish sauce, shrimp paste, garlic and coconut.

There are a huge range of dishes available, generally speaking (and I’m being very general) the stuff in the south tends to have more of a seafood/coconut slant, while the stuff in the north tends to have more of a meat/chilli slant.

Thai breakfast if it’s not fruit, tends to be a dish called Khao Tom, a litteral translation is “rice soup”, which really leaves little room for a description except to say that it isn’t that spicy unless you add too much chilli and is available as Khao Tom “Gai” (with chicken), “Moo” with pork,”nuen” with beef “plah” with fish or “Kueng” with prawns.

Personally I rarely get chance for breakfast in Thailand and I can just see you thinking “Wow what a diligent guy, he’s so busy he doesn’t take a morning meal.” Those of you who know me however realize that I do sometimes take a morning snack known as a “Lay” (ridge cut fried potato) available at 7/11 stores flavoured either as “Extra barbeque” or “nori seaweed”. I have on several occasions been spotted at 6:30 am breezing my way home with a couple of bags of “Lay” after an evening discussing the Premier League in an establishment that as a mere oversight forgot to close it’s doors at 1am.

Daytime dishes vary greatly. If your not keen on spicey stuff Pad Thai’s a safe bet. It’s sort of a mix of fried noodles, vegetables a bit of rice and “gai” or “kueng”, when you get it the granular stuff on the edge of the plate next to the lime is ground peanut. It’s meant to be mixed in along with the lime juice to add flavour.

The curries are also well worth a try I’m not well up on the actual difference in types, but there is Kaeng Daeng (red curry) or Kaeng Keo (green) and Massaman (which has a slightly different flavour) all of which are available as beef, chicken, pork or prawn dishes.

My current favourite, which I find excellent for a hangover or head cold is “Tom Yam”, it’s a spicy soup that can contain chicken, fish or prawn. Broadly speaking there tend to be two types, it can be a clear soup or an opaque dish, usually served with rice. The opaque variety tends to be red in colour and although I could be wrong I’ve a feeling the pigmentation in the dark variety comes from shrimp paste.

If your tongue, the roof of your mouth and other parts of your digestive tract are made like most westerners of human skin, you may want to exercise caution and finish any food order with the phrase “Pet nid noi” it means “a little bit spicy” or “mai pet” which means “not spicey”. However if your innards are made of asbestos, kevlar or the type of heatproof bricks they use to line the test sites at atomic weapons research establishments you might want to try the phrase “pet mahk” which means “very spicey” or “pet mahk mahk”, although when you sit down to bid your lunch a fond farewell, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

There’s also a great deal of fried dishes, i.e. fried rice with a meat or fish of your choice or fried noodles (which are sometimes sheets of flat noodles) in a similar style with a variety of sauces. One of my personal favourites is a dish called Laarb. It’s traditionally a dish from the north of Thailand; it can be found in Bangkok/Central Thailand, but rarely so in the south. It’s made of ground meat (of your choice) and seared with chopped chillis, onions and beans. The salads here are also highly recommended as an option for those who wish to maintain an enviable physique. I’d also be doing you a disservice if I failed to mention the different type of food outlets you’ll encounter over here as well. Back home your probably used to restaurants where they come and serve you at the table then you pay and go about your business, or shops where you can buy food (prepared or otherwise) then take it home and do what you want with it.

However in Thailand, what can pass as a restaurant is four Formica tables in the road, an old lady with no teeth, a camping stove and two pans that don’t know what a brillo pad looks like. There’s also a great variety of stalls, handcarts, grilles welded to motorbikes and old women with a six foot bamboo pole with baskets on either end, all of whom are prepared to sell you some form of nourishment.

Most of the stuff is usually fine to eat even off roadside stalls, however as a word of warning be careful of the “street barbeques”, the places that have piles of small satay’s that they grill on half an oil drum filled with burning coals. I used to love the chicken and beef from those places, but curiously seemed to be plagued with bouts of dyspepsia, however since I’ve steered clear of them I can still be described as a “frequent visitor” to Thailand although my visits of another nature seem to have become less and less frequent.

As a word of warning one might be advised to try and stick to static catering establishments rather than the mobile ones which have been known to leave people in hospital. The worst ones I’ve learned from anecdotal experience are the “hot dog stall welded to motorbike variety”. A friend of mine was lying in hospital in Koh Samui where he was receiving medical attention for torn knee ligaments, a dislocated arm and various cuts and grazes, when he had the following telephone conversation with his travel insurance company in the UK.

Agent, “Why are you in hospital Mr xxxxxxx ?” My Friend, “Becuase I’ve had an accident.” Agent, “When did the accident take place ?” Friend, “5:45 am Thai time on the 17th.” Agent, “And what happened ?” Friend, “Well I was riding my motorbike home from a beach party when a catering establishment crashed into me.” Agent, “Where you drunk Mr xxxxxxx?” Friend, “No but the man driving the restaurant was drinking a bottle of whiskey at the time.”

In a similar vein, if you want to make use of this website for cautionary purposes I’d steer well clear of a dish called Som Tam. It’s actually supposed to be very healthy, it’s a sort of salad made with shredded pappaya, chillis, lime juice, chillis, fermented crab meat, chillis, uncooked meat and chillis. It actually tastes quite nice at first, but I dare any westerner to eat more than four or five forkfuls. As with all great designs it is bi functional, it has a medicinal use which medics stationed in Thailand during the Vietnam War discovered. Some GI medics stationed in Khorat ran out morphine to treat soldiers who’d recently lost limbs and were clean out of ideas as to how to treat their patients when they saw local ordelies rubbing a concoction on the recently dismembered stumps of the victims. They noticed that the profuse bleeding stopped immediately, the severed veins healed themselves and skin of a harder than usual variety grew over the wound. When asked what they were using the orderlies replied “Som Tam.”

On a serious note, much as it tastes good, and can be a challenge for “chilli heroes” because of the uncooked element in the meat and fish, it can be the cause of some severe discomfort and should only be sampled by the very brave, the very well insured or the severely constipated. No dip into a country’s ingestible delights would be complete without a look at the local liquid refreshments, and I can honestly look you in the eye without wavering when I say, “I’ve done a fair amount of research on the topic.”

The first phrase that comes to mind when discussing Thai liquor, is “all that glitters is not gold.” Look at it objectively; these statements apply to virtually all Thai brand liquid intoxicants. It’s cheap, it’s strong, and it tastes delicious. It has a nice label on that makes me look well travelled. However what they don’t tell you in the brochure is that it’ll give you the hangover from hell. The two main indigenous beers, are Singha and Beer Chang. Singha is brewed by the Boon Rwad distillery and has a very full hoppy taste; it was taken from a German recipe that was used by some German Engineers who were working here in the earlier part of last century. Chang is a much smother drink and both taste very good when chilled however their strengths run at around 6 or 7% proof, which makes them a little harder to manage over the extended periods of immersion that us westerners tend to favour whilst here on holiday. Personally (and you can called me a heretic for this) I prefer the foreign beers brewed here under license such as Heineken and Tiger, they’re 5 or 10 baht more expensive, are less volatile and the morning after are less likely than their local counterparts to see you up before the local judge.

There are two types of people in my opinion who should consider venturing onto Bangkok’s busy streets with a Singhover or Changover, either people with assertiveness problems or those with very hard mates.

It’s rumoured (although not confirmed) that Mother Theresa was once in Krung Thep on an aid conference when she was treated by local dignitaries to the region’s fare. The morning after and 6 big Chang down the line she staggered towards the conference, kicked a beggar who asked her to spare the price of a cuppa around the head then beat him with her stick shouting, “Get a ####### job you lazy ####.”

We all have days where we feel like that, some more than others and its on those occasions that we get strange spiritual urges to seek out the type of food that our forefathers were raised on. It’s no coincidence that complimentary therapists, when helping in the treatment of cancers look at a patient’s lineage and asses the type of food their ancestors were nourished with so they can prescribe the type of diet that they’re genetically predisposed to thrive on.

When I had a little health scare a while ago I went to see a complimentary dietician who after a week or so of DNA testing and family genealogy suggested I should try and survive as far as was solely possible on chips, Hollands Pies, chip shop gravy, salt and vinegar crisps and dandelion and burdock. I managed to adhere rigorously to his suggestions and the proof as they say is in the pudding, with the fact that I stand here proudly in font of you 100 kg in weight and with no foolish delusions towards exercise.

The treatment did have a slight side effect in that it shrunk the waistbands of all my trousers but it was a small price to pay to rid myself of a potentially fatal verouca.

Although I regularly stray from my regime and can be seen eating curry, tom yam, pad thai and fried rice I often feel it my duty to seek out good proper chips, gravy and pies. Now I do actually feel that I’ve been reasonably diligent in my quest for a decent chip supper, but I’d like to throw it open to the readers of KSR.com and see if they can come up with any better establishments than I’ve been able to source.

I must point out that meat pie chips and gravy is more than just a meal. It’s a religious experience. For a northerner it’s got greater spiritual significance than a trip to Mecca (or the Gala Bingo Halls now that Mecca have lost market share).

The food being presented to you is only part of the experience. The person partaking in the sacrament should be if not blind drunk, at least half cut, defineitely not sober, preferably with a couple of betting slips from William Hill in his or her pocket and if not bloodied from a fracas outside a nightclub the recipient of the mana should at least be in the mood for a fight. He must queue up for his food, be abusive to the staff (who will be wearing white and blue checked aprons that have not been washed for 3 months) and complain about the price and size of the portions.

There are few places outside the UK that offer this service.

“The Chippy” on Lamai Beach Rd, Koh Samui fails miserably. OK the chips and pies (made by Big Joe’s English Food Company) it sells are as close to damit as you’ll get to the real thing back home, however the staff are polite. I’ve never seen a fight in there and the food (including chip barms with gravy) is reasonably priced.

I’m told that the Offshore Bar, Soi Nanai in Patong offers a very similar range of food to the chip shops in England, but lacks an offensive owner, does not have a plate glass window to throw queue jumpers through and doesn’t have a calendar, stuck on last months page with a picture of a cottage in the Yorkshire Dales on it.

Pattaya being the strong hold that it is of mainstream British culture has several options for chipsomaniac, my favourite are The Pig and Whistle and Rosie O’Gradies, both on soi 7, they probably fail in offering the fully chippy experience as the food is closer to restaurant standard than necessary, but will leave you with a high cholesterol count and the need to buy some bigger shorts.

There is however one establishment in Bangkok on Sukumvit Soi 23, which bears the signage “Fish and Chips”. It comes very very close to the real thing, almost indiscernably so. The flooring is worn brown lino. The salt cellars have a single grain of rice in them. There are posters depicting Lancashire Life in the early 20th Century. The food is of a standard which could be the envy of any friery in Greater Manchester. The staff there although Thai and diligent have that half shocked, half weary look that says, “That’s the bloke that dropped his trousers and asked me to marry him last week.” and best of all there are fights in the queue.

If anyone has any further offerings that can be put into the hat for Thailand’s Chippy of the Year, I’d be very happy to hear about them. Happy hunting.

As for the Macc Ladds, I’ve heard they all went down Torremelinos although rumours are that one of them isn’t a million miles away.

Cheers

Wan’ a chip luv ?

Dominic Lavin shares his time equally between the United Kingdom and Thailand. A writer, poet and mystic, Dominic is available for small parties and special occaisions. Contact his agent to establish his current schedule. http://www.myspace.com/140525510