Gary Brown from Australia sent us this...

My traveling friends and I had been to Thailand several times and had promised to return for the millenium new years eve party.The flight to Thailand wasgood and uneventful. I say this because we normally fly with a European airline and the natives of that country usually became roudy and create tension on the flight. The airline personel never seemed to do anything to stop their disruptive behavior. Anyway the flight was good. We had been looking forward to the promise of a great time, a once in a lifetime experience, we were not to be disappointed.

This story unfolds over 3 days but to keep your interest I will keep it short. After meeting our girlfriends at don muang we jumped a bus to Pattaya, and went to our favourite hotel, but guess what -- it was full it seemed that every farang in thailand was in pattaya for the new year celebrations. We had met 5 guys in bangkok in Robinson department store and agreed to hook up with them the next night in pattaya at one of the Aussie bars[jan bar in walking street] Everything was go ing to plan other than we couldn't get a bloody hotel room. WE had been to one hotel 9 times over the past few years and had a good customer discount card. It didn't mean shit, they were ful and we couldn't get a room. So we searched around and finally got 2 rooms at the cherry hotel.They were good but very noisy. So after a couple of days we were relocated to the rear of the building which was much better. Now to the action of december 31 1999. But this day/night was the best.

You will not believe me but colonel kentucky chicken sanders is still alive and kicking, or at least the best impersonation ever. The combination of booze and hijinx caused a little excitement. Myself my traveling friends, the girls and the other Aussies we met in bangkok together with the other 200 drunken Aussies hanging out of JanBar was a sight to behold. A sthe night went on and we all became more and more pissed the fireworks were becoming very popular with the dollar rich tourists and expats. The noise was undiscribable, but great. Every one was at fever pitch and no money was spared.

The other bars trying to attract patrons set off fireworks but this action was seen as a challenge and even more fireworks were discharged. The midnight celebrations came and went but the explosions continued, it seemed like there was an unending supplyof funds for the fireworks. This is where colonel kentuckey came into the picture. I had seen this icecream siuted gentleman all day , night ,it seemed like he was following us everywhere we went, so when he appeared and hung around looking so refined and clean it was decided by some patrons to blow him up. Guess what? We missed and the gelegnite sized stick firecracker exploded behind him and he didn't even glace at the noise. What a bummer. So when your trying to scare the shit out of someone make sure that your not pissed. The guys in the bar ragged the thrower for 2 hours after and he had to shout 20 beers for being too pissed.

Regards, Garry Brown.

Fusspots from Valletta, Malta sent us this...

Last year my sister and I decided to go Backpacking around South East Asia. Our first stop was Bangkok where we stay at the Merry Guest House not far from Khao San Road... Every night there was something extraordinary to see on Khao San Road... I wasnt gain to try any of the insects/bugs they had for sale ...but I did bite into a corn on the cob. Food was just delicious and the atmosphere was something I never anticipated... Unfortunatley I was on a timetable had to reach my destination of Singapore by 2 1/2 weeks.. My next stop was koh Pha-Ngan...

I went into one of the travel agents on Khao san road and bought my all in one ticket to Koh Pha-ngan.. the 12 hour coach ride to Surat thani is something to remember.. Trying to watch a movie where only swear words were clear and the cold air of the AC keeping you too cold... Thankgod for the sorangs, they served every purpose. Finally we arrive in Surat Thani at 3am and had to wait until 8am to get the boat to Koh Pha Ngan... Walking on board everyone was sitting on the deck..same with everyelses backpack. Sun was burning at that time and silly me wasnt wearing any sunscreen.

5 hours later arriving in Koh Pha Ngan fried and red like a lobster, I realised that there were seats inside this boat..so I didnt have to stay on deck!!! As the boat approached the pontoon, local taxi drivers yelling at you to go with them... Finally getting out of the scramble we got in one taxi (they charge the same price) we were on our rollercoaster ride to Haad Rin. After 1 hour walking around in the blistering sun trying to find a place to stay..we found our home at Friendly Guest House for the next 5 nights. There was no full moon party had missed it by a week.. but it was ok still had a mad time.

Koh Pha ngan was my heaven...like everyone else i suppose. Was sad that I had to carry on with my plans. I bought a ticket back to Surat Thani ad planned to somehow get to Kuala Lumpur. The day had come to say goodbye to Koh Pha ngan at about 4am as the boat was leaving early... This time I sat comfortably inside whilst all the backpacks remained on deck...even with the rain pouring. Arriving in Surat Thani I couldnt believe the panic there... A lady screaming get on the bus get on the bus... I said is this the bus to Hat Yai?? she just screamed get on the bus get on the bus...so we put our backpacks under the bus and got on.. the bus was full so we had to stand in the middle.. The lady comes back on the bus and asks us where we r going..we said Hat Yai... she screams wrong bus get off bus get off bus.. So we got off and collected our backpacks and got on another bus..thankfully the right one which only tooks us to another place in Surat Thani.. There we waited to be taken to our next transfer to get to Hat Yai..

A utillity truck awaited the 10 of us to take us to god knows where. Luckily the driver told my sister and i to jump inside the utillity truck as the other 8 travellers had to sit at the back of this truck for the next 20 minutes in the pouring rain. Finally we reached this place and got on a mini van to Hat Yai..a 4 hour trip sitting at the back of this mini van. Arriving in Hat Yai we had to get on another mini van to Butterworth which took another 4 hours... finally from Butter worth to Kuala Lumpur we travelled on a coach.. Well the rest of the trip had ups and downs but the whole stay in Thailand is something I'll never forget..an adventure that had mixed emotions, but a memory that will never be lost.....

Keep your head on! Check this out - grim tale from Erik Dean, San Francisco, USA

Hi,

I'm finishing off a three month trip through SEA and opted to relax on the southern beaches of Koh Samet (candle light). I met a couple of insane Brits(Tommo and Russsel) and chose to hang with them for the next few days. On day three I awoke to a torrrential downpour. I was feeling rather energetic and decided to spend the day by beginning south then proceed around the entire coast of the island. The rain is pouring off my body but I'm in a swimsuit so no big deal. The eastern shore is rather simple as it is lined with white sand beaches. Before I could get there I would have to navigate my way up the western side.

It was mainly alot of rock-climbing and occasional swimming when the cliffs were too steep or I could not find a way through. The coastline was littered with plastic bottles, tires(tyres) and numerous other products that must have fallen off passing boats. After nearly an hour of tredging through the rain I saw a small doll and next to it a full-size manequin body. I picked up the doll then started exmamining it's larger version. I pushed it around with my foot and realized that it must have been a dress makers dummy because it appeared to be stuffed with cotton and it had no arms or head. I kneeled down for closer inspection as I prodded it with my finger I exclaimed,"FUCKIN HELL, FUCKING HELL"! It wasn't a dummy it was a fucking torso.

The head had been removed as well as the hands and feet. I could see the spinal cord protruding where the head was supposed to be. Flesh loosely clung to the arm bones as the body lay half on the rocks and half in the sea. I'm completely freaked at this point. The body lies face down(though no face) and is clad in fatigues. I immediately look around to see if anyone is wathching but I'm in the middle of nowhere. I stare for a moment or two before proceeding. I continue my journey for the next two hours with the thought of that body in my mind. I touched the damn thing, I kept thinking. What the hell am I supposed to do when I make it back to town.

Should I go to the police? If so what am I going to tell them. I occasionly have to swim again and can't help but think that I'm swimming in the same water as that body. I eventually make it to Ao Phrao and ask a man in a restaurant how much farther is it around the cape to town. He tells me you cannot go that way. I tell him that I have already come all the way from the south but he doesn't understand. I leave the restaurant and press on as I,m not yet willing to share my tale. About an hour later I make it to town and stop by a bar I had been to the day before. I see a man I had talked to previously, ordered a beer then told him I had a story to share. He freaked.

At this point I had already come to grips with it but hearing him made me realize again how serious it was. He asked me if I had gone to the police and I told him about my reluctance. He then shouts across the bar to a lady that runs the place. "Hey Porn, what would you do if you found a torso?", what?, she said, " a torso, what would you do if you found one"? She responds" you don't mean the one down by Coral Bay do you"? He looks at me as I nod my head and say "Yeah, some where north of there". Well at least I don't have to go to the police now. I just couldn't believe that this body was lying there and no one had bothered to pick it up.I order another beer as I see Tommo and Russel (crazy Brits) making there way up to the bar. I share my story with them and their certain I'm just taking the piss. As we make it back to our bungalow the word had already broke out about me and my friend "BoB". Our night concludes with the taking of copious quantities of alcohol as I carry on a conversation with the moon while I walk in circles in the glowing white sand. It talks back.

That's pretty high on the grimometer! Anyone beat this?

The morning after an overnight bus ride back to Bangkok we were having breakfast in the Merry V restaurant when we were approached by a long-haired Thai in denims and a baseball cap. He introduced himself as Bang and explained he was looking for extras to work that day on a TV commercial. Although we were all tired the call of stardom was a strong pull, and Bang was offering eight hundred Baht each plus lunch. We decided to scrap our planned lazy day.

Heading back to our guest house we were already acting like pampered prima donnas; "OH, I haven't washed my Hair", "Do you think we should change?" etc etc. This was the beginning of stardom, the cameras had finally found us. I always knew they would of course. A mini bus of us were driven out to a studio somewhere amongst a pretty wealthy suburb of Bangkok. There were already a lot of extras there, mostly farangs dressed up in traditional Thai style costume. The girls all wore long pink wrap skirts with geometric woven patterns and white blouses. The guys had white knee length socks, Ali Baba style baggy pants which were fashioned from a length of 5-6m of bright purple silk and white nautical waiter style tunics. We were taken upstairs to the dressing room where a team of Thais were busily converting farangs from the usual ethnic and grungy traveller styles into smart Thai style costume. A length of silk was produced and the material pulled around my bum so that the ends could be twisted and then knotted around my waist.

It's best not to be too vain at this point, my friend Matt sucked his stomach in a little and later found his outfit a bit too tight for comfort! The twisted ends of the material are run back through your legs and tucked in at the small of your back. The hairdressers all behaved in a faultless parody of the gay coiffeur. the one who styled my hair was skinny with long hair and slim line glasses that sat oddly on his narrow face. His voice and mannerisms were unbelievably camp, I'm sure they were at least partly acting with exaggerated abandon either for our amusement or winding us up for their own entertainment. He pulled my hair across the scalp in a drastic parting, smoothed it back at the sides and covered the lot in gel and spray. Any stray strands were swiftly stuck down with a big glue stick. During lunch I received an additional layer of gold coloured spray.

The commercial was basically fifty or so farangs dressed up and standing in tiers singing a short song in Thai. After numerous renditions it began to occur to a few of us that we didn't have a clue what were singing. I asked Bang what the lyrics meant and it turned out to be a traditional song meaning basically "I love Thailand". Well that's what he said anyway. We spent all day filming different takes, some serious, some happy, and to different degrees. We did it "one more time" many many times. It was fun and interesting to start with but by the end we'd all had enough.

For a bunch of backpackers though I thought we were all very professional and stuck to task giving our best till the end. For the people there first in the morning it was a thirteen hour day, we did about ten hours and after the bus trip the night before were very tired by the end. The producers appreciated our efforts though and Bang was a popular man as he handed out thousand baht notes for the day. The commercial was for paint though I only know that because we asked. How fifty oddly dressed farangs singing "I love Thailand" in front of a huge Thai flag will sell paint I don't Know. I imagine we would cringe if we ever saw the end result.